My Sweetheart

I am extremely emotional right now. I think it's a combination of Tim being gone for the week, and although I am not one to be scared while home alone, I just really depend on the adult conversation and companionship my marriage gives to me! So the days seem to be a little longer knowing that nobody is walking in the door around 6, and with Teague being so sick, I guess I'm just kind of a puddle right now. I have been fighting tears all day.

It's amazing as when I would find myself down and out before Gage was born, my cat seemed to know just when I was feeling low, and up on my lap he would crawl, and purr, and cuddle up to me giving me all the love in the world. Now that it's my cat that is the one causing me to feel so sad, it's my SON that has taken on this role. It's not like I've been sitting here bawling all day, or even crying at all in front of him, but I'm sure he can sense that mommy didn't seem like herself today.

Tonight after his bath, he was just the sweetest little button. Ever. I think I read 3 different books to him about 3 times each. And for each book, he just sat on my lap, pointing to the pictures, jabbering, and listening so intently. I think I said, "Okay, this is the last book and then it's time for bed" about 6 times! After the 3rd reading of the third book ("Time For Bed little mouse little mouse") I finally stuck to my guns and starting walking down the hall to his bedroom. I always have his crib buddies say goodnight to him and give him kisses on the cheeks (this would be Mr. Monk--who's a monkey--, Mr. Big Bear and Mr. Little Bear. I'm a creative one, aren't I?) and he just giggled tonight when I did that. He just let me rub his cheeks and give him kisses, and never fussed one bit. As I was walking out the door, my eyes were welling up with tears, as they sometimes do because I will never get over the overwhelming feeling of being a parent, Gage said softly, "Bub-bye". When I turned to look at him before turning off his light, he was just laying there smiling at me.

I think he knows when his momma is sad. And I'm sure he misses Tim as well. I will never be able to fully express in words how absolutely blessed I feel having him in my life. He is the best thing to ever happen to me, and he is the sweetest little guy I have ever known.